I know that most Christian rock music sounds alike, and this is no different, but sometimes it's good to hear.
Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly) by Sanctus Real.
It's time for healing, time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender
(Chorus)
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly
Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything, I surrender...
To...
(Chorus)
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly
It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZayut9i45M
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Bump
This is a post to let you know that I'm alive.
I've started writing blog posts so many times over the last 3 weeks, and haven't finished one. Haven't been happy with them. Failed topics: Love, How odd I am, The Future. I'll probably write more about those some other time, I've got thoughts on them all.
Here is your pseudo-philosophical thought for the night:
All of the rest of your life is a near-death experience.
I've started writing blog posts so many times over the last 3 weeks, and haven't finished one. Haven't been happy with them. Failed topics: Love, How odd I am, The Future. I'll probably write more about those some other time, I've got thoughts on them all.
Here is your pseudo-philosophical thought for the night:
All of the rest of your life is a near-death experience.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Fuck.
You know what irritates me the most right at this very moment? People asking me, "So what is the plan now?" I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. It has been, eh, 25 hours now that I was told that I was no longer employed, so of course I have everything worked out already. But thanks for the suggestions on places that I should apply, I really want to hear your input right now. While you're at it, do you want to tell me your opinions on everything else in my life? That would be great. Thanks.
Keep your suggestions to yourself, and I won't have to use bad words. Deal?
Plans as of now... None. I've got nothing. Absolute blank on what I should do job wise. And right now I don't want to be thinking of a plan. Just give me a few days to breathe, and we'll take it from there. If I want advice and suggestions:
I. WILL. ASK. FOR. THEM.
Keep your suggestions to yourself, and I won't have to use bad words. Deal?
Plans as of now... None. I've got nothing. Absolute blank on what I should do job wise. And right now I don't want to be thinking of a plan. Just give me a few days to breathe, and we'll take it from there. If I want advice and suggestions:
I. WILL. ASK. FOR. THEM.
"We've decided to let you go."
So... Life has changed.
Yesterday morning, my boss called and said that she wanted to meet with me before I started working yesterday evening. Fair enough. But then people asked me how things had been going at work, and that started me on being paranoid. So I called her back, asked what it was about. She said it was about the fact that I had wanted to talk to her about working less hours. Again, fair enough. So I show up to work an hour early to meet with my international buddy and have dinner, and one of the girls there looks at me weird and says, "Are you working tonight? I thought Becca said she was taking your shift?" Uh... Not that I knew of. So, I popped in to the office to ask my boss about it. She's just covering the start of my shift in case our talk runs long. Suspicious, but still believable. After dinner, I stop in to the office to chat with the boss. Well, apparently, I wasn't picking up on barista-ing as quickly as they would have liked. And when I was stressed out a few weeks back, and mentioned that I'd like to work fewer hours, and perhaps not the Saturday night close, that apparently sealed my fate. See, she had hired someone to work 25-30 hours, and to fill that Saturday shift. Which would have been nice to know. And apparently the proper response to struggling at work is to ask for more work so I have more experience to get better. She said I'm a very nice girl, who is good with customers, and that with time she thinks that I could have gotten up to speed. But there is the level they thought I would be at by now, and then there is the level where I am.
So, I am currently unemployed. I honestly feel like I failed, but also that I wasn't given the chance to succeed. So... doubly screwed. I would have appreciated knowing the fact that there were specific reasons I was hired, things I had to fulfill. I was under the impression I was hired for who I was, not when I could work. Granted, they expressed that speed was a big deal for them from the start, but I felt I was just getting the hang of it, which is why this is so out of the blue. I feel like the point right after a break up when you think just how much you passed up just to be in that relationship. And now I am just irritated.
This job felt like such a God-send, such a way to really get connected to the community. I don't know what I'll do with the rest of my summer. Maybe look for another job, although I'm a bit discouraged as of now... And the job hunt was difficult even at the beginning of the summer, I don't know how well I'll fare halfway done already. Now I've got more time to focus on other things, and less to stress about. Which is nice. And the fact that it really was just a summer job, not a career. I'll be fine, I'm just not cut out for a highspeed coffeshop career.
Yesterday morning, my boss called and said that she wanted to meet with me before I started working yesterday evening. Fair enough. But then people asked me how things had been going at work, and that started me on being paranoid. So I called her back, asked what it was about. She said it was about the fact that I had wanted to talk to her about working less hours. Again, fair enough. So I show up to work an hour early to meet with my international buddy and have dinner, and one of the girls there looks at me weird and says, "Are you working tonight? I thought Becca said she was taking your shift?" Uh... Not that I knew of. So, I popped in to the office to ask my boss about it. She's just covering the start of my shift in case our talk runs long. Suspicious, but still believable. After dinner, I stop in to the office to chat with the boss. Well, apparently, I wasn't picking up on barista-ing as quickly as they would have liked. And when I was stressed out a few weeks back, and mentioned that I'd like to work fewer hours, and perhaps not the Saturday night close, that apparently sealed my fate. See, she had hired someone to work 25-30 hours, and to fill that Saturday shift. Which would have been nice to know. And apparently the proper response to struggling at work is to ask for more work so I have more experience to get better. She said I'm a very nice girl, who is good with customers, and that with time she thinks that I could have gotten up to speed. But there is the level they thought I would be at by now, and then there is the level where I am.
So, I am currently unemployed. I honestly feel like I failed, but also that I wasn't given the chance to succeed. So... doubly screwed. I would have appreciated knowing the fact that there were specific reasons I was hired, things I had to fulfill. I was under the impression I was hired for who I was, not when I could work. Granted, they expressed that speed was a big deal for them from the start, but I felt I was just getting the hang of it, which is why this is so out of the blue. I feel like the point right after a break up when you think just how much you passed up just to be in that relationship. And now I am just irritated.
This job felt like such a God-send, such a way to really get connected to the community. I don't know what I'll do with the rest of my summer. Maybe look for another job, although I'm a bit discouraged as of now... And the job hunt was difficult even at the beginning of the summer, I don't know how well I'll fare halfway done already. Now I've got more time to focus on other things, and less to stress about. Which is nice. And the fact that it really was just a summer job, not a career. I'll be fine, I'm just not cut out for a highspeed coffeshop career.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!
So, every time I come home, I end up talking with mom about all these theories she has about politics and the economy, based upon the wackiness in Washington. Yeah, it's a bit scary, because life-as-we-know-it is pretty darn good. If life could continue that way, awesome.
But there is this small part of me, the part that is just AMPED for the apocalypse, that would love to see the world just get turned upside down. I just want to see if I could survive in a dictatorship, if that is in fact where we are headed. I'd love to see how people would handle it. Would there be uprisings? How would morals and social norms change in the face of control?
I think perhaps that the world is just too big, and too small at the same time. Since we are so connected, we all get affected by, and involved in, things that would not have even been a part of our knowledge prior to radio, internet, long distance travel, etc. What if suddenly there was no power what-so-ever. Anywhere on the planet. Think of how life would change. We would have to divide out into little tribes and forage for our survival. Would we make it? I don't know! Chances are millions upon millions would die in the process. Modern medicine would be shot to heck too, so lots of people that live now would not live in a world without power. I don't think that the world-as-we-know-it is the natural state of being in the slightest. Nothing about the way we live is anything like the way life has been in the past. It's a bell curve. Societies rise and fall; up towards order, down towards chaos. Everything tends towards entropy, get on board or get out of the way. Change has always been, and will always be, the way things go. I don't like change, because I can't predict what will happen. But if change is going to happen regardless of my approval, I might as well step up and go with it. Just to see if I can.
But there is this small part of me, the part that is just AMPED for the apocalypse, that would love to see the world just get turned upside down. I just want to see if I could survive in a dictatorship, if that is in fact where we are headed. I'd love to see how people would handle it. Would there be uprisings? How would morals and social norms change in the face of control?
I think perhaps that the world is just too big, and too small at the same time. Since we are so connected, we all get affected by, and involved in, things that would not have even been a part of our knowledge prior to radio, internet, long distance travel, etc. What if suddenly there was no power what-so-ever. Anywhere on the planet. Think of how life would change. We would have to divide out into little tribes and forage for our survival. Would we make it? I don't know! Chances are millions upon millions would die in the process. Modern medicine would be shot to heck too, so lots of people that live now would not live in a world without power. I don't think that the world-as-we-know-it is the natural state of being in the slightest. Nothing about the way we live is anything like the way life has been in the past. It's a bell curve. Societies rise and fall; up towards order, down towards chaos. Everything tends towards entropy, get on board or get out of the way. Change has always been, and will always be, the way things go. I don't like change, because I can't predict what will happen. But if change is going to happen regardless of my approval, I might as well step up and go with it. Just to see if I can.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Me, a name I call myself
We talked about this in the girl's meeting about 2 weeks ago, the meaning of our names and how that applies to us and who we are. Most cultures put more thought into the meaning behind names, whereas american culture tends to just go with what fits with the last name and sounds cool.
But my name, Alison, apparently means "Noble" or "Of Noble Birth." Lately this has been a concept on my mind a lot, because of a sermon I heard last Sunday. He was talking about how most Christians approach their faith as a list of things we can't do and don't do and won't do and list after list of negative things. The viewpoint that he suggested we adopt was one of holy identity. We are the royal daughters and sons of the RULER OF THE UNIVERSE. This endows us with... an inheritance, a place of belonging, an identity beyond our given earthly status. So our behavior should not be based upon a structure of dos and don'ts, but rather we should look at who we are, and what behavior is befitting of such a royal personage.
I have definitely seen this get out of control, people thinking that this means that they are entitled to act superior and call themselves "GoDs LiTtLe PrInCeSs" or something else mind-bogglingly self-centered. The biggest thing that I draw from this is that the title? It has nothing to do with anything I have done. At all.
Another thing that I draw from the meaning of my name is the concept of responsibility. The phrase "Noblesse Oblige" comes to mind when I think of the word noble. At it's core, that means "With power comes responsibility." I have things at my disposal that others don't, so I should use those accordingly.
...the end. For now.
But my name, Alison, apparently means "Noble" or "Of Noble Birth." Lately this has been a concept on my mind a lot, because of a sermon I heard last Sunday. He was talking about how most Christians approach their faith as a list of things we can't do and don't do and won't do and list after list of negative things. The viewpoint that he suggested we adopt was one of holy identity. We are the royal daughters and sons of the RULER OF THE UNIVERSE. This endows us with... an inheritance, a place of belonging, an identity beyond our given earthly status. So our behavior should not be based upon a structure of dos and don'ts, but rather we should look at who we are, and what behavior is befitting of such a royal personage.
I have definitely seen this get out of control, people thinking that this means that they are entitled to act superior and call themselves "GoDs LiTtLe PrInCeSs" or something else mind-bogglingly self-centered. The biggest thing that I draw from this is that the title? It has nothing to do with anything I have done. At all.
Another thing that I draw from the meaning of my name is the concept of responsibility. The phrase "Noblesse Oblige" comes to mind when I think of the word noble. At it's core, that means "With power comes responsibility." I have things at my disposal that others don't, so I should use those accordingly.
...the end. For now.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
List of things that are beautiful to my soul
Alternately entitled "List of things that make me smile on the inside"
-singing loudly in the car
-loud music in general (especially concerts when your heartbeat aligns with the bass)
-books/websites that make me chuckle
-most potted plants
-vivid colors
-seeing grass ripple like waves on a windy day
-clean mirrors
-colored glass
-the look on a groom's face as the love of his life walks down the aisle towards him
-dogs
-lamps
-meaningful conversations
-crunchy leaves
-babies of any kind: animal, human, plant
-ticklish people
-staying up late finishing books
-my family
-driving fast at night with the windows open and feeling the cool breeze
-cheap and tacky sunglasses
-dancing like a fool with friends
-planning dorky futures with my friends when we talk about boys
-running into someone I love unexpectedly
-getting texts or facebook messages
-the color of sun shining through leaves
-tacky things
-making a reference to something obscure and having someone else totally get it
Many other things go on this list as well. In fact, lots of things make me happy.
I just felt that after a list of everything that was/is stressing me out, listing something more positive sounded like fun.
-singing loudly in the car
-loud music in general (especially concerts when your heartbeat aligns with the bass)
-books/websites that make me chuckle
-most potted plants
-vivid colors
-seeing grass ripple like waves on a windy day
-clean mirrors
-colored glass
-the look on a groom's face as the love of his life walks down the aisle towards him
-dogs
-lamps
-meaningful conversations
-crunchy leaves
-babies of any kind: animal, human, plant
-ticklish people
-staying up late finishing books
-my family
-driving fast at night with the windows open and feeling the cool breeze
-cheap and tacky sunglasses
-dancing like a fool with friends
-planning dorky futures with my friends when we talk about boys
-running into someone I love unexpectedly
-getting texts or facebook messages
-the color of sun shining through leaves
-tacky things
-making a reference to something obscure and having someone else totally get it
Many other things go on this list as well. In fact, lots of things make me happy.
I just felt that after a list of everything that was/is stressing me out, listing something more positive sounded like fun.
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