July 8th, 2006:
When I graduated, everyone kept asking me how I felt. I didn't know then, because it kind of didn't feel real. Like I was just a junior or something, and would just be there next year, so I wasn't sad. But slowly it has dawned upon me that I'm done with highschool for good.
Sure, I'm looking forward to the future, but does it scare me? Oh, heck yes. I keep getting these moments where it's like those times when I was younger and on roller blades and I would start to go faster than I wanted down a hill or something, and I got that split-second realization that there was no way I could slow down. And the roller blades would start to slip right out from under me, and I would flail my arms around and hope that maybe, just maybe, I can regain control, or at least not crash painfully.
Life feels like that sometimes, slipping right out of my control, going way faster than I intended, and the best I can hope for is to stay upright.
As you can tell from my elaborate analogy, I wind up feeling like that alot, and have had many chances to connect it with a similar feeling.
The phrase "Stop the world, I want to get off." keeps coming to mind.
Back to now. I survived this stress before, it can be done again..
The real world is out there, and I am so scared. I've had my life revolve around my education and school schedule since I was 5. Over 3/4 of my life has been in a classroom, or completely governed by when school was going on, or when we were on break, when things were due, what people I was around and when... What is life like without that? I'm excited to find out, but also just nervous about the uncertainty of it.
I guess I worry that I'm stepping off the edge of that stage in my robe and wacky square cap... into a great void that I can't see into, and only hear vague descriptions from people who have gone into that void.
It's May 15.
ReplyDelete